Posts by Andrea Wideman

36

Hi im a new member!

by skinnyboy in

after several attempts to log on, im finally in!

woohoo!.

well my story goes as follows, grew up a dub, in northern england, mum, dad, and the rest of us brood, dad becomes an elder sisters pioneers, and me and me brother were regular "publishers".

Welcome. I am a new member too but so far all I have felt is welcome.
I am amazed by your story and how you got disfellowshipped. There are some bits of it that sound familiar. I did see different treatment for different families. Those who had grown up JW's were allowed much more slack than those of us studying.

24

My Journey

by Andrea Wideman in

my journey to find a religion i could believe in wholeheartedly started as a young adult.

i was raised as a catholic but couldn't say for certain that i believed all that i was taught..

i had a mother who was a catholic and a father who was a divorced protestant.

Andrea Wideman

You are very right that children do influence out decisions. We want the best for them always. Thank you very much for the open welcome.

24

My Journey

by Andrea Wideman in

my journey to find a religion i could believe in wholeheartedly started as a young adult.

i was raised as a catholic but couldn't say for certain that i believed all that i was taught..

i had a mother who was a catholic and a father who was a divorced protestant.

Andrea Wideman

Thank you for the welcome and yes Joel and I are married. He really helped me very much by his love and his honesty. Honesty is very important to me.
I really look forward to meeting the other married couples and reading their stories.

24

My Journey

by Andrea Wideman in

my journey to find a religion i could believe in wholeheartedly started as a young adult.

i was raised as a catholic but couldn't say for certain that i believed all that i was taught..

i had a mother who was a catholic and a father who was a divorced protestant.

Andrea Wideman

Thank you very much for the warm welcome you have extended to me and Joel.

24

My Journey

by Andrea Wideman in

my journey to find a religion i could believe in wholeheartedly started as a young adult.

i was raised as a catholic but couldn't say for certain that i believed all that i was taught..

i had a mother who was a catholic and a father who was a divorced protestant.

Andrea Wideman

Thank you very much for the warm welcome and the understanding.

24

My Journey

by Andrea Wideman in

my journey to find a religion i could believe in wholeheartedly started as a young adult.

i was raised as a catholic but couldn't say for certain that i believed all that i was taught..

i had a mother who was a catholic and a father who was a divorced protestant.

Andrea Wideman

Thank you for the encouragement. My family and I have always been a complete unit. It is how we survive in this crazy world.

24

My Journey

by Andrea Wideman in

my journey to find a religion i could believe in wholeheartedly started as a young adult.

i was raised as a catholic but couldn't say for certain that i believed all that i was taught..

i had a mother who was a catholic and a father who was a divorced protestant.

Andrea Wideman

It didn't happen fast at all. This was a change that was years in the making. By now honey you ought to know not to underestimate yourself.

24

My Journey

by Andrea Wideman in

my journey to find a religion i could believe in wholeheartedly started as a young adult.

i was raised as a catholic but couldn't say for certain that i believed all that i was taught..

i had a mother who was a catholic and a father who was a divorced protestant.

Andrea Wideman

Thank you for the warm welcome.

3

life after dfing

by happygirl in

.

i have been visiting this forum for the past four years and have gathered a enormous amount of info from all of you,thank-you.my husband was df'd eight years ago when we got together,i am not an jw,nor was i ever,we had a son then got married five years ago.our son is now seven and the love our of lives,my husbands family has not only shunned him but also our little man who is the innocent one in this situation.his grandfather did come and visit with us once, but the rest of his sibblings and families have never inquired or seen our son.he is now starting to inquire about the rest of my husbands family who and where they are?hubby's sister and family live five minutes away from us.how should we explain to a seven year old the situation without upsetting him?

Andrea Wideman

The best thing you can do for your son is to be honest with him about the situation. Let him know that he is very loved by you and others in the family. Make him aware that he is not the one at fault and did nothing wrong. He is better off not having them in his life.

24

My Journey

by Andrea Wideman in

my journey to find a religion i could believe in wholeheartedly started as a young adult.

i was raised as a catholic but couldn't say for certain that i believed all that i was taught..

i had a mother who was a catholic and a father who was a divorced protestant.

Andrea Wideman

My journey to find a religion I could believe in wholeheartedly started as a young adult. I was raised as a Catholic but couldn't say for certain that I believed all that I was taught.
I had a mother who was a Catholic and a father who was a divorced Protestant. Before they were wed a priest came to the house and begged my mom not to marry my dad because if she did she wouldn't be able to receive the sacraments. When it was time for me to receive my First Holy Communion another priest approached her and said if she went to confession and never slept with my dad again then she could receive the sacraments.
I was aware of all of these things growing up and it hurt me deeply that the church I went to rejected my parents' union. That the details of my father's divorce didn't matter to them. They who preached about following the bible didn't bother to find out if he had grounds for a biblical divorce.
So as a teenager I went searching for a religion I could cling to. I did research others and even went to a few different churches but what I found out was that they all seemed pretty much the same. So why change.
A few years passed by and I decided to go away to school. There I met my husband, Joel, and he and I talked about many things but not that he was raised as a JW. I didn't find out that detail until the night he proposed to me in a Catholic church parking lot, right after we attended mass together. There he was crying, saying that he loved me, and wanted to marry me but that he was raised as a JW. I didn't know what that meant then. I didn't really find out about the details of his religion until after we were wed.
I was raised that the woman worshipped God as her husband did. So I decided to study with the JW's. My mom promptly threw us out and we were homeless for two weeks. We found shelter with someone who would let us stay at her apartment if we cleaned it and got it ready for new tenants. She was staying with someone else. The place was a mess and we had very little to eat. The only way my mom would take me back would be for me to be a Catholic. So that is what I did do. Now I must mention here that at the time my head was being filled with tales of JW's looking out for their own, even people studying. So I did seek help from the JW's I was studying with but they didn't really have any practical advice.
Well like I said I went back to being Catholic and my mom let me and my husband return. I stopped studying and focused on being a better Catholic. I had another child. Several years pass and now I have a child who will soon need to get signed up for CCD classes. Well here is where I start asking myself questions about whether or not I really believe in the Catholic doctrine I was taught. I honestly couldn't say I did and certainly couldn't raise my child in that faith. I was full of questions and desperately seeking a faith for my family.
My mother-in-law, who is a JW, gave me a book that really seemed to answer my questions. This seemed like the answer to my prayers. I thought this is it! I was so happy. I started studying with the JW's regulary and everything seemed to be fine. My husband was able to support us now so financially we were okay. As I progressed in the organization everything seemed okay except for little things. I was told that my committment was doubtful because I only owned one dress. It was all I could afford. There was inequality of treatment between those converting and those who were raised and baptized JW's and their kids. They redecorated the hall with chairs I couldn't fit in and on the day I was baptized I didn't fit in those seats either. This all caused me pain.
As time went on the pain increased when I was constantly pressured to bring Joel with me to the meetings. This was a place I was told I would be loved and was treated not with love but criticism. As time went on the criticism got worse. In the end all I could do was to stop going to meetings. Time passed and I was still praying and calling myself a JW; then Joel came to me and pointed out conflicting doctrines and outright lies I was told by the JW's, now here I am with those old questions again. What do I teach my kids? Where do I belong?
Also I previously I was doing soul searching already so when Joel showed me the new information I realized I couldn't stay. So I decided to just be a Christian and write my letter of disassociation. I can't say I am sorry to have been a JW but I outgrew that religion. Now I am on a path that fits me better. I can more easily tell my kids what I believe. I still love God and pray to him constantly.
I am still on my journey but now I feel stronger and know more about what I want in my religious life and what I don't. When I was a Catholic there was lots of rules I had to follow and they controlled me through threats of hell. When I was JW I was told that they were different than that but as I progressed found out very differently. They had lots of doctrine set up by Governing Body and the threat was being disfellowhsipped.
My choice to just be a Christian has filled me and my family with happiness. I was worried that they wouldn't understand but instead was surprised because they saw things more clearly than me and already were planning on leaving JW's when grown. This is our first year celebrating holidays and other stuff we couldn't do because of JW rules. This is our first year of not being controlled or threatened by a religion that was supposed to be loving. I am extremely grateful to God for this beautiful opportunity.